Light it up

I told you when I was leaving,
I'll find someone better than you to love me,
But even after years, 

Never found anyone who is curious about me,

Maybe I should set myself on fire
For someone to have mercy on my light
But you know I have been invisible all my life
The heart can burn and burn
Until it turns cold as ice
I take refuge in knowing
You used to see me and smile
Once upon a time,
You knew the flickering of my eyes
The real feelings behind my fake smiles
Squeezing my hand so I wouldn't go off alone
Now alone is the only place once again I know
So I lean against walls
Pretending it's your chest
Trying to recreate the only safety I ever felt
But it feels as hard as your love
Just standing there, 

Never getting through
But you know,

I've also always been an outsider too
Breaking off pieces of me for crumbles of love from everyone until I couldn't 
You too hurt me in ways in which love shouldn't
I wake up breathless and scared in the middle of the night 
On days that get heavy,
Despite everything still pretend you're by my side,
I know, I know
This is a world where anything can be
Except you and me,
I never want you near me,
And I think it's time to leave
Still there's no place to go
Nowhere I need to be,
But it's time to leave.
Pack my bags and find a home for me.

Strangers

I wonder if you think of me as much as I think of you,
What would you remember from my face? 
I can still outline the crinkles of your eyes,

The corner of your mouth when you smiled,
What would we say if we ever ran into each other? 
Now that we're strangers. 
We've been years apart,
You are a stranger. 
But you were the only person who ever felt like home to me,
Now, what does that make me? 
I would show you how I lost the color from my hair on the eve of our goodbye,
I lost the color from my world too,
I still see emptiness more than light. 
I also lost my voice, 
Too many days where I drowned the desperation inside of me,
Too many days alone by the sea thinking,

What would you say if you ever saw me that way?
I would show you the wrinkles underneath my eyes,
The tiredness only you held back for me.
I'm losing things again. 
Time, space, objects,
Me,
Orienting my face towards the sun, 
Repeating the Mantra into life like my breath, 
I'm here. I'm here. 
Even if you remain gone.