tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-105685652024-03-08T11:40:53.992-08:00Encrypted DiariesTazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.comBlogger87125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-51278846176146189062023-03-03T23:15:00.004-08:002023-03-03T23:17:33.325-08:00Call me love<div style="text-align: left;">I'm throwing up my hands. <br />I don't want this war<br />Don't let me leave<br />Stop. <br />I'm throwing up my hands. <br />Waving the White Flag<br />Stop <br />Please<br />I'm throwing up my hands<br />But you were already long gone. <br />You used to taste like love<br />Left out in the cold too long, <br />A beating heart <br />Murmuring its way to death <br />The last glimpse of me in your iris, <br />Shoulders rolled in<br />Feet turned away<br />Were you really there?<br />I miss you <br />Never covered the years that got lost behind </div><div style="text-align: left;">Still a stranger in familiar crowds <br />Moving through cities <br />that don't know my name <br />But you can call me love <br />I'm the forgotten <br />Just like her. <br /></div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-73971738127941113112023-01-11T23:16:00.001-08:002023-03-03T23:16:55.017-08:00You were the reason<div style="text-align: left;">This city and I share a heart,<br />Your absence forever wandering through the streets <br />Silence follows me around without footsteps <br />Forgiven, all human sins. <br />Except our love story<br />Heaviness holding my tongue down <br />Do words give my missing you away? <br />The empty spaces,<br />Shroud my despair in a solar-powered smile, <br />Praying on Temple steps <br />To a God, I cannot find <br />To please keep you safe. <br />Still looking up at the sky <br />Knowing that it holds a roof over your head. <br />Pushing the world back<br />With the strength you gave me<br />Let me find the love<br />I loved you with <br />A reason to be alive <br />Stitch it piece by piece back in me <br />Reveling in the beautiful colors of this broken mosaic of light. <br />Let me find the love that I loved you with <br />For my own mortal time.<br /></div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-26497869911020293472022-12-25T07:35:00.001-08:002022-12-25T07:35:26.389-08:00Winter's solace<div style="text-align: left;">Hand me a sunshine of solace<br />Im stitching the hems of my soul<br />Looking for places<br />Still nowhere to go<br />Simmer me in silence<br />With the sound of my heart beat in my ears<br />Barren landscapes<br />Something always refused to grow<br />Searching for a mirror<br />In faces that had no eyes to see<br />Tracing fingertips<br />In hands that can not hold<br />The world keeps on spinning<br />Erase my existence<br />I was never really here<br />Run up to me <br />To tell me you'd want me to stay<br />Long after I've faded from your memory<br />The butterfly's wings on the wintry wind<br />The color in the dull gray sky<br />Sometimes this is only what it means to be alive.<br /></div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-80433562936872368132022-11-20T08:04:00.001-08:002022-12-10T08:04:50.366-08:00Who we are<p>Someone said, "You're a really tough woman". I held back from saying, "I wish I didn't have to be".</p><p>Tenderness and love. Give me tenderness and a place to rest my head. When the lights turn dim, a hand to hold. The warmth that I don't have to do it all alone. I have all the magical solutions to fix the punctures in my deflated world.</p><p>My sister telling me, "You had it the hardest".</p><p>Recalling my ex kissing my forehead saying, "you were the scared little girl who everyone failed to protect so you turned into the woman no one or nothing can break. I'm sorry, I hurt you". I've built a throne made up of all the sorries I was not there. Carefully collecting them from every corner. Then burnt down my kingdom.</p><p>Fear. I have gulped it down all my life. Look straight at it in the eye. Everyone building rainbows to stop it from creeping in me. If only I was allowed to be scared. With safe hands to shelter me. Who we are and who we become. In the absence of mercy</p><p>If I can take one more hit, I can take my life</p><p>If I can take one more hit, I will take my life</p><p>Take it, take it</p><p>Swallow it down</p><p>Shove it down</p><p>These bruises will heal,</p><p>Until the body refuses.</p><p>Purge out all of the bullshit and their philosophies. We are still standing as a sign of some of sort twisted victory.</p><p>Who we are and oh god what have we become.I am not a lover, I am not a fighter. I am only a human. Heart thrown to the ground. Smashed to the floor. Here's a piece left of me. Take it. Pick it if you want. I have no use or need for it now.</p><p>But, in my silence, that little girl peers at me</p><p>When I look at her, she smiles and runs to my arms. Her first home finally of safety.</p><p>Who we are…and..in the process..who we become.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-21235682890353854432022-08-13T09:05:00.003-07:002022-12-10T08:06:51.207-08:00Daddy's little girl<div style="text-align: left;">Daddy's little girl. <br />The country's whore,<br />Carrying the cold winter,<br />Like a happy rainbow. <br />My soft slow gentle hands, <br />Cutting through the heat of the shame,<br />Lifting these veils of pretense, <br />Letting the heaviness fall under its own weight,<br />Looking in each other's eyes, <br />The rage you burnt is the fuel in me,<br />My mother birthed me on the day of Bloodshed and victories,<br />Thy Kingdom shall come,<br />But the wars that we waged were unholy, <br />Flinching at the sound of each other's voice. Daddy's most favorite. <br />I told you, I'm you <br />But you couldn't even look at me. <br />Vehemently shaking your head, <br />God have mercy if that'd be true<br />But I still have your broken heart and mine,<br />Carrying longings for love,<br />Sheltering strangers to feel a piece of home<br />I told you, I'm you <br />Too hurt and full of pride to give in,<br />Held up our heads so strong,<br />Unbreakable,<br />Until we both broke one another.<br />The hate you got, you gifted to me.<br />Open wounds passed on wakefully<br />I hope you're finally at peace. <br />And when the final day arrives, <br />when all our sins are forgiven <br />Maybe for the first time, <br />We can stand heart to heart<br />And forgive each other<br />Forgive each other for not being enough<br />Then you can say<br />Daddy's little girl <br />Oh how you are proud of me<br />Maybe then it would finally be heaven for me.<br /></div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-17184314129597769522022-06-16T05:33:00.006-07:002022-06-16T22:20:27.545-07:00Light it up<div style="text-align: left;">I told you when I was leaving,<br />I'll find someone better than you to love me,<br />But even after years, </div><div style="text-align: left;">Never found anyone who is curious about me,</div><div style="text-align: left;">Maybe I should set myself on fire<br />For someone to have mercy on my light<br />But you know I have been invisible all my life<br />The heart can burn and burn<br />Until it turns cold as ice<br />I take refuge in knowing<br />You used to see me and smile<br />Once upon a time,<br />You knew the flickering of my eyes<br />The real feelings behind my fake smiles<br />Squeezing my hand so I wouldn't go off alone<br />Now alone is the only place once again I know<br />So I lean against walls<br />Pretending it's your chest<br />Trying to recreate the only safety I ever felt<br />But it feels as hard as your love<br />Just standing there, </div><div style="text-align: left;">Never getting through<br />But you know,</div><div style="text-align: left;">I've also always been an outsider too<br />Breaking off pieces of me for crumbles of love from everyone until I couldn't <br />You too hurt me in ways in which love shouldn't<br />I wake up breathless and scared in the middle of the night <br />On days that get heavy,<br />Despite everything still pretend you're by my side,<br />I know, I know<br />This is a world where anything can be<br />Except you and me,<br />I never want you near me,<br />And I think it's time to leave<br />Still there's no place to go<br />Nowhere I need to be,<br />But it's time to leave.<br />Pack my bags and find a home for me.<br /><br /></div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-61950514299139993112022-06-01T02:27:00.006-07:002022-06-01T02:30:30.641-07:00Strangers<p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wonder if you think of me as much as I think of you,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">What would you remember from my face? <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I can still outline the crinkles of your eyes, </span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The corner of your mouth when you smiled,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What would we say if we ever ran into each other? <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now that we're strangers. <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We've been years apart,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You are a stranger. <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But you were the only person who ever felt like home to me,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, what does that make me? <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I would show you how I lost the color from my hair on the eve of our goodbye,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I lost the color from my world too,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I still see emptiness more than light. <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I also lost my voice, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Too many days where I drowned the desperation inside of me,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Too many days alone by the sea thinking, </span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What would you say if you ever saw me that way?<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I would show you the wrinkles underneath my eyes,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The tiredness only you held back for me.<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm losing things again. <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Time, space, objects,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Orienting my face towards the sun, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Repeating the Mantra into life like my breath, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm here. I'm here. <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Even if you remain gone. </span></p>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-1054271569339738852022-05-27T06:25:00.008-07:002022-05-27T08:59:00.712-07:00The heart that burns<div style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">My world could use feeling lighter,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">With the sound of your voice, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Over the crashing of the waves, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The quiet places, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">where I thought I had everything I needed, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The grand exaggerated gestures, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And dreams even bigger, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your soft heart is the most beautiful part of you,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You always told me wiping the tears from my eyes, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I thought the world had gone mad,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gone too cold,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, I lit that heart to keep the warmth,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It burns,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A dull flame,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes, the only light that I see,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Don't go cold, I tell it,</span></div><div style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You are the reason to,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Endure,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Feel, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Touch,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Love,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Awaken,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Even when everything you held precious is gone.</span></div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-1082513486335380152022-04-03T04:18:00.004-07:002022-04-03T04:20:20.894-07:00Baptize me<div style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">This heart has been burnt in life's heat,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I walk alone with these endless miles beneath my feet.<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I keep sending out SOS signs for blind eyes to see,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My faithlessness reeking off too long,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So douse me with holy water and baptize me,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Give me a holy mouth, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To pour all my unforgivable sins in,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Build me a temptation that craves me,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lay me down with reckless hands, <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Softness is a stranger,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Her address unknown to me,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This, here, is a ghost town,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There's nothing left to see,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Only dead memories live inside of me.<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The last of my dreams have gone to sleep,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It's been too long, I'm just running on empty,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It's been too long, I'm just running on empty,<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe I am a thing that grows in silence<br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And keeps passing every misery. </span></div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-5204100031673078422021-12-26T03:23:00.003-08:002022-04-03T04:25:13.980-07:00I was loved<div style="text-align: left;">Do dates really matter,<br />Once time has flown away?<br />I still measure my days by the presence and absence of you showing up in my mind,<br />I don't know how to count days to never seeing you again,<br />I still wake up wanting to tell you things,<br />Run to you squealing,<br />"Look at what I did, you would be so proud"<br />I, finally, learnt to parallel park,<br />I heard you giggle in my head that day.<br />After you, silence only stretches across my tongue as the sea to the horizon,<br />I don't hear my voice so much anymore. <br />Your absence showed me how much of my life I'll walk alone. <br />Stopped reaching out for hands to hold,<br />I'm no longer afraid of what may come,<br />I heard someone say love is a rare phenomenon. <br />So I let that part of you go<br />That dug nails and teeth in my soul <br />And ripped pieces of it out. <br />I only keep that part of you that loved me.<br />And even as time continues to keep us apart, <br />There will always be a part of us in me,<br />The girl who ran to you with glistening eyes,<br />And you, the boy who held out his arms, kissed her forehead and loved her back.<br />It was love. <br />I was loved. </div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-64770031929446596742021-11-21T05:30:00.001-08:002022-05-27T06:31:29.199-07:00Lachesism<div style="text-align: left;"> Wrap me up in love. <br />Tell me that I am beautiful, <br />That I am finally good enough. <br />This weight,<br />This intensity of me, <br />Too heavy for you to carry<br />That you tried to fold in, <br />Take your time, this time, to bend me. <br />Take your time to break me. <br />Tell me again how much you love me. <br />Say it over and over again,<br />I need hollow words to put my hopes in. <br />Somewhere, I lost my heart along with my innocence,<br />After that, even my mind has lost its rhythm and has never been quite the same. <br />It's funny how one person can leave behind so much empty space, <br />And despite so many around, <br />No one can ever fill that place. <br />I'm still looking for somewhere to breathe, <br />No one has ever spoken to my soul the way you did,<br />They only come rushing in to fix or change me. <br />I'm still walking alone in the darkness in every dream.<br />On days the world feel cold,<br />I snuggle with the memories of when you sometimes loved me,<br />I wrap myself with love,<br />Of what I imagine it to be,<br />Tell myself that I'm beautiful <br />That I am good enough. <br />Love parts of me that you couldn't,<br />That you wouldn't. <br />No matter who or what has left,<br />Of everything dead and gone,<br />I'm still a home to myself.</div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-42336777928119986722021-08-17T06:27:00.002-07:002022-05-27T06:28:30.163-07:00Forgetfulness<div style="text-align: left;">I miss you never rolled off my tongue, <br />But you have become my every poem.<br />Of everything gone,<br />You somehow still sleep inside of me, <br />I close my eyes and still call you my home,<br />Even if it is lost.<br />I still have dreams of you holding my hand <br />against your chest, <br />Your heart beating against me, <br />Even in my forgetfulness, <br />You continue to stay. <br />I try to call you a mistake. <br />That's what everyone says. <br />Head over heart. <br />But yours is the only face I see,<br />When the world's walls come <br />crashing in on me. <br />No hands reaching in.<br />This is not a heartbreak.<br />Yet, you are the kind of sadness <br />that never really goes away. <br />No, this is not a heartbreak. <br />But something in my heart forever remains empty.</div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-31809128244699558912021-07-10T14:06:00.003-07:002021-07-10T14:06:18.403-07:00Time Travels<div style="height: 0px; text-align: left;">There are things no one talks about, <br />Keep them silenced,<br />Keep them small,<br />Wrap that pain in a nice colorful gift box,<br />Make it happy, <br />Make it pretty <br />Honorary medals as praises are given, <br />To the brave, <br />To the bold,<br />To the strong,<br />The world simply loves a hero. <br />Don't spill your heartache there, <br />Cover that weariness over your bones,<br />There's no one here. <br />Trade in your strength for disarray, <br />Quiet now love. <br />Come to me. <br />In the places where nothing ever grows,<br />On the roads, that lead to nowhere, <br />In the dearth of joy,<br />Where your hands are empty. <br />Quiet down,<br />Slide into those shadows, <br />In the absence of warmth,<br />The world forever looks for the light,<br />But,<br />Fear not,<br />Is it here that you will become.<br />x</div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-62656155456685649782021-05-19T14:12:00.001-07:002021-07-10T14:13:38.201-07:00Even memories die<div style="text-align: left;">I read, all our memories die with us,<br />They're only alive, <br />With the people we shared them with,<br />Yet, ours died way before either one of us did,<br />I seem to be the only one left, <br />Cupping them gently in my hands,<br />I still remember your eyes,<br />When you said I was beautiful,<br />Running to tell you, "what's up"<br />My hands moving faster than my mouth,<br />Your nods, <br />Even when you didn't understand.<br />I, now, in your absence<br />Still sit next to you within the hospital walls,<br />Remembering all those times you held my hand,<br />Stroked my hair, <br />Until all the blood was out.<br />I see you standing behind the window,<br />Refusing to sit,<br />Until the machines stopped whirring.<br />Telling me, we will get through this.<br />I am. <br />Do you know,<br />You were the only one in the whole world<br />With whom I felt completely like me?<br />Ran incredibly wildly free.<br />Silence has comfortably settled inside me,<br />Ever since the day you really went away,<br />Seems like I have nothing left to say,<br />But the lakes and the trees still talk to me.<br />Do you know of all the wondrous things I have seen,<br />Of the crazy adventures and the beauty?<br />Do you know my entire world will completely die with me?<br />Do you know, <br />Letting you go is still the hardest thing I've ever done?<br />Loving you made me so so brave,<br />But losing you has made me fearless,<br />The hand of fate has already struck,<br />What more is there left to lose?<br />Except only me, this time.<br />I keep my door open now,<br />For those who wish to leave.<br />Let them come.<br />Let them go.<br />There's no consolation they can offer me. <br />I always pray your side of the world is filled with grace,<br />Like mine, has been filled with repentance, tranquility, mercy and a whole lot of love,<br />All the things that make it gentle, <br />As I'm slowly starting to forget your voice and face <br />"But even if I could go back, I wouldn't belong" - C.Z</div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-11068198921335180682021-05-06T02:51:00.001-07:002021-05-06T12:23:03.824-07:00But it isn't love<div style="text-align: left;"><div>Tell people you love them </div><div>Before it's too late, </div><div>But a bucket full of water </div><div>Will not douse a house burning down.</div><div>Fleeting time is not a friend, nor a savior. </div><div>No amount of pulling the clock's hands apart,</div><div>Will ever stop it from running out. </div><div>Galaxies are forever collapsing,</div><div>The death of stars, inevitable.</div><div>How could I have ever thought we stood a chance.</div><div>Our goodbye was fated in our first hello.</div><div>Yet, I have learnt to love you in transitions. </div><div>The laughter in your eyes as you rode by my side, </div><div>The cold wind on our cheeks </div><div>under the fiery New Year's sky. </div><div>The subtle soft sighs.</div><div>You were a feeling I did not know could exist</div><div>and neither was I ever prepared for</div><div>I was always torn between wanting you to stay,</div><div>And somehow hoping you would leave.</div><div>Now, you are neither here, nor have you gone away.</div><div>I don't know what it is that you do to me, </div><div>All my wounds come up to breathe,</div><div>But more than that,</div><div>You soften my rough edges. </div><div>Pull back the curtain of darkness </div><div>So that I can soak up the light. </div><div>Put my fears to sleep.</div><div>Let me rest my worries. </div><div>Every world that I had ever built </div><div>Came stumbling down </div><div>Under the intensity of your gaze. </div><div>I was always seconds away from you owning me.</div><div>With all the space between us,</div><div>You still touched me.</div><div>You still changed me.</div><div>But you have never said that you loved me. </div><div>Neither do I know for it to be true.</div><div>But I know this to be true. </div><div>In a world where people's hearts get broken, </div><div>Your existence somehow had a way to mend mine.</div></div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-84298114275520392622021-03-30T14:49:00.001-07:002021-05-04T14:50:50.115-07:00The Here And Now<p> I try to be here. </p><p>Face towards the Sun,</p><p>Letting all the shadows fall behind me. </p><p>I try to ignore the grief,</p><p>Caught in the back of my throat,</p><p>The heaviness pressing down steadily on my shoulders.</p><p><br /></p><p>I ignore the empty spaces. </p><p>There's so much here,</p><p>Yet it's always little out of reach. </p><p>Always eluding,</p><p>Never really mine.</p><p><br /></p><p>Still there's so much warmth here. </p><p>In the same way how my body was once held,</p><p>The way I traced faces,</p><p>Running my fingertips up and down, </p><p>Like I found the map to some lost treasures.</p><p><br /></p><p>There's still so much grace here. </p><p>The way mother Earth holds beauty within her heart,</p><p>The way she holds me.</p><p>I try to fill light in those spaces, </p><p>Letting everything pass through my fingers like the wind. </p><p>They are not mine.</p><p><br /></p><p>I try to ignore the losses,</p><p>Because I know love is here, </p><p>Because I know love is here,</p><p>Because I know love is here,</p><p>And I carry all of it.</p>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-35804895417204580092021-02-19T09:35:00.001-08:002021-02-19T09:35:19.420-08:00Love's definitions<div style="text-align: left;">I tried counting the miles between us today,<br />the places we had been,<br />but I realized the footprints were gone,<br />And the scenery anew. <br />I couldn't recall your face, <br />Your fading smile,<br />or the sound of your voice,<br />Even love feels different now, <br />Like kind eyes, soft smiles and gentle touch,<br />Snuggles on a wintry night. <br />Endless laughter. Affirmations, I'm here.<br />That I'm no longer a visitor but actually belong.<br />Tears. Only this time of happiness. <br />Coming up for air after holding my breath till I was blue,<br />And being able to breathe. Really breathe.<br />Like I can feel the sun on my skin,<br />My cold and empty heart finally opening again <br />from the warmth.<br />Even you feel different now. <br />Like the weariness after a very hard and long journey, <br />The bruises left behind from holding your fist too long,<br />Like the departure once the plane lifts into the air, <br />Like it's finally gone, <br />And that we are finally over.</div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-12072456344570031932020-12-24T11:28:00.005-08:002021-01-06T11:30:06.711-08:00Happy Anniversary<p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">Th</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">is is a celebration,</span></span></p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">Of carefully weaving,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">every intricate part of me,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">Weighing pieces,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">Discarding,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">Then putting them together with love.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">This is a celebration of all of me.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">This is a witness,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">Of all the unfurling beauty</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">That lies ahead</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">And what has been</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">Screaming out my name</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">Beckoning me to lose my breath.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">Show up, let the world be a witness</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">That I was here,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">That I was alive. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">This is a declaration,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">When I said I couldn't live without you,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">It was true.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">I didn't live.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">I thrived. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">I woke up.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">Unafraid. Unapologetic.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #262626;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">Thank you for letting me slip through your hands. <br />Darling, it was meant to be this glorious.</span></span>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-34373899663645884872020-11-25T11:30:00.001-08:002021-01-06T11:32:52.181-08:00If life came with instructions<p><span style="color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Segoe UI, Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Lying in the darkness<br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Listening to the falling rain<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Most days the weight of these bones<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Feels too heavy to carry<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Shallow breathing<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Stop<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Deep breath<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">They're not coming back<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">The walls move in<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">You.must.stay<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">There is nowhere left to go<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Too trapped to move<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Close your eyes<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Reach for a memory<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">His fading warmth and tenderness<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Feel<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Let it go<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Take down the door<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Come back<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Please<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Maybe they would?<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Stop waiting<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Days go by<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Hold on<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">The rain is still falling<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">No, they wont<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Say goodbye<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Everything that I want has already left<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Put the door back<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Scream to the sky<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Maybe this time heavens will listen<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Draw the curtains in<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Say goodnight<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Tomorrow is a new day.<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">Repeat.</span></p>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-41798615941035630712020-09-20T11:57:00.001-07:002020-09-20T12:06:59.983-07:00Dead endsچھوڑ دئے ہیں تکنے وہ راستے<br />جن کے ہر مور پر بانڈ دروازے ملے<br /><br />The yearning for wanting something is slowly leaving, <br />Turning away from these dead end corners,<div>Peering back at me,<br />There is a calling from somewhere far away to stay, <br />But these ears have deafened to unfamiliar sounds, <br />Lips moving but my voice lost, <br />Salty air around stinging my eyes,<br />The ugly aftertaste of my bitter life, <br />Let me find the way back from here, <br />To a place where the wind blows, <br />To a ground I can rest my head gently, <br />Dreams spilling freely out of me, <br />Searching high and low with nowhere to go, <br />The currents of this river pulling me, <br />Where I come face to face with my destiny, <br />Just another accept-embrace-flow, <br />Aren't there any other options, <br />Than these soft tired sighs?<br />Made for beckoning me to live this life. <br /><div dir="auto">Point out the signs,</div><div dir="auto">Read my future out loud, </div><div dir="auto">Tell me when everything is finally over, </div><div dir="auto">There is serenity, </div><div dir="auto">And some sort of happiness for me. </div></div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-87680949390773204222020-09-05T02:03:00.012-07:002020-09-05T08:56:45.402-07:00Where do we go from here?<div dir="auto">Its been years since our departure,</div><div dir="auto">But not a single day has gone by without you,</div><div dir="auto">My love for you would have engulfed the oceans,</div><div dir="auto">Yet still thirst for more,</div><div dir="auto">My body still burns with the grief of your absence, </div><div dir="auto">Let it end now my head keeps screaming,</div><div dir="auto">But the tears don't stop falling,</div><div dir="auto">Language seems jumbled up,</div><div dir="auto">Words meaningless ever since you've gone away,</div><div dir="auto">I miss you never seems to fill this gaping hole I have left inside,</div><div dir="auto">What does it matter now?</div><div dir="auto">You chose the path to our destiny where we would walk parallel lives,</div><div dir="auto">Never intersecting again,</div><div dir="auto">Me bearing the scars of your battles,</div><div dir="auto">Let me hold onto your fading face in a sea full of strangers,</div><div dir="auto">To the only comfort that someone once held my body,</div><div dir="auto">and knew every bit of my soul,</div><div dir="auto">We all want a life well lived, they tell me.</div><div dir="auto">But all I ever wanted was you.</div><div dir="auto">Lifting my head to the sky begging for a miracle,</div><div dir="auto">Just this once,</div><div dir="auto">Just this once.</div><div dir="auto">But life takes and it takes and it takes, </div><div dir="auto">With no intention of giving back,</div><div dir="auto">So what if I let it take what's left of me too?</div><div dir="auto">There is no one around to pick the pieces anyways,</div><div dir="auto">We all carry losses, </div><div dir="auto">I heard, that the time stands still </div><div dir="auto">when the body is shocked,</div><div dir="auto">But all I ever did was kept being dragged along the fabric of existence,</div><div dir="auto">No way of getting off,</div><div dir="auto">Hands pushing me forward,</div><div dir="auto">I still want to be here where we were,</div><div dir="auto">Alone this time,</div><div dir="auto">Knowing there is nothing left in the rubble, </div><div dir="auto">But tell me where do I go from here?</div><div dir="auto">When the only home I had is gone,</div><div dir="auto">A little bird without the wings to fly,</div><div dir="auto">So let me stay here, </div><div dir="auto">Until this, too, is taken away and gone.</div><div class="mail-message expanded" id="m#msg-a:r-2940689097620146804" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"><div class="mail-message-footer spacer collapsible" style="height: 0px;"></div></div>Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-78044522903077079482020-07-09T15:18:00.000-07:002020-07-09T15:18:29.005-07:00Reflections in the light. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Something about the world always eludes me,<br />
Empty, sad eyes,<br />
Forced laughter,<br />
Pretending,<br />
Pretending with their pretty masks,<br />
Forever playing mind games,<br />
Hiding,<br />Complete strangers staring back at me.<br />
<br />
I pull your memory near,<br />
It keeps me warm, <br />when life tries to steal me away.<br />
I hold onto the laughter in your eyes,<br />
The beating of your heart against my hand.<br /><br />I think of you,<br />
when this Earth tilts out of its axis,<br />
Blurring everything that I see.<br />You were the only feeling I knew so well,<br />Only place I ever called home.<br />With you gone,<br />I'm left behind searching under the bruised sky.<br />The million what ifs running through my head.<br />What could have been?<br />What should have been?<br /><br />But by now, I am a tired woman,<br />Sick to the bone, <br />With of all these revolting,<br />
so-called fantasies of love they tell me,<br />
Of the ones you taught me,<br />Drifting in and out of consciousness,<br />I lay everything down to rest.<br />
<br />All the ways we never were,<br />All the ways we never are,<br />All the way in which we will never be.<br />
All the ways, <br />These hands would never again trade the jack for the queen.<br />My breath being mine.<br />My name being me.<br />This new space I found in me to breathe.<br />This new grown freedom that runs through every inch of me.<br />
This light that flows through me.<br />
This beautiful reflection that I see.<br />
Never again, will I trade anything for me. </div>
Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-79177065566500825932020-06-22T04:14:00.001-07:002020-06-22T14:35:21.884-07:00The Supernova<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="adn ads" data-legacy-message-id="172db97b0c4b16e2" data-message-id="#msg-a:r3365371747868592265" style="background-color: white; border-left: none; color: #222222; display: flex; padding: 0px;">
<div class="gs" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 20px; width: 863.6px;">
<div class="">
<div class="ii gt" id=":1gz" style="direction: ltr; margin: 8px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative;">
<div class="a3s aXjCH " id=":1h0" style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: 1.5; overflow: hidden;">
<div dir="auto">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You move me in a way,</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">The waves move the
sand,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Quietly and gently
touching,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">The shores of my
existence,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Before receding.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">The silence around us,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Carrying the weight of unsaid words,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Can you feel it too?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Or is it just me who
is here?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Wanting to take down
these barriers that separate us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">But these walls feel
old,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">This path already worn
out,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">I've been here before,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Never with you,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Nor so fervently,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">But I know, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">I know
this unwinding road so well,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">The ends to where it
would lead.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">But for this time
here,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">I want you to be my little eternity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">So tell me what is
your worth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Tell me if I could
fall in the oceans of your eyes?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">If your hands would
brush away,<br />these invisible wounds on my skin?<br />If I could bury my pain in you for sometime?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">If your kisses would
reach places on my body,<br />that hide away from the sunlight?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Tell me that we could
drop down our defenses,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">The fears that makes
us who we are,<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">The voices that keep us both in the dark,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Shed these layers,</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">And be naked with each other for awhile.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">I want to see the depth of your
soul.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
Savour the beauty it brings.<br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Before I feel the heat of your
passion,<br />
Move it through me,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Let it touch me,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Heightening all of my
senses,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Make me come alive as
you surround me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><br />So pull me down in your gravity,</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Let our bodies collide,<br />
Touch my core,<br />
Right before you let me go.<br />Let me go.<br />
<br />
Just as when the stars reach the end of their life,<br />
Even in their violent collapse,<br />They emit the most beautiful spectrum of light. </span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-45295940574286598552020-05-29T08:33:00.002-07:002020-06-18T08:03:59.384-07:00After the storm<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The storms in my life came and left,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I stood at the edge,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Waiting for the remnants</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">To carry me away.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Yet, I stood there.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">So quietly.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Grounded with every little ounce of me.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Reaching,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Grasping,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Still left with searching hands. <br />"They don't stay", you said</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"What does?", I asked</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"Nothing. Nothing really stays.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Let it pass", you smiled. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"Take me from here please,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I need something that warms my soul"</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"But there is nowhere to go"</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">So I stayed,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Amidst the changing skies,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I stayed,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I am still here</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">While you are long gone.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I am still here.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Raging and taming the storms</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">when they come.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">With every little ounce of me.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Let them come.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I am still here.</span></div>
Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10568565.post-87340908699259149842020-01-29T16:35:00.001-08:002020-06-18T13:50:13.225-07:00Name it (trigger warning)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I buried that hollow woman you left,<br />
Crying on those white hotel sheets eons ago,<br />
I picked her naked body and vacant eyes,<br />
Then dropped her off to her final resting place.<br />
Under the grey Berlin sky,<br />
I had called out her funeral,<br />
With no one there next to me.<br />
<br />
For the longest time, I stood on the side,<br />
Watch her break herself,<br />
Coming over and over to you,<br />
For the decaying morsels of your love.<br />
Her hands reeking of the lies you fed her.<br />
I often wondered when she'd tire herself out,<br />
Conjuring up a storm, you didn't want to be in.<br />
<br />
"Oh but I love you so", you'd say,<br />
<br />
So tell me how was this love?<br />
This pulling me down in the dark cold cold water?<br />
Muffling my screams with your absence,<br />
Until my lungs choked themselves out of air.<br />
In the emptiness, there I laid,<br />
Dying a thousand silent deaths,<br />
As you stayed awake by my side.<br />
Listening to the tears roll down, dry.<br />
Unconcerned. Without a care.<br />
<br />
"I want you to be only mine", you'd tell me.<br />
Used my body only when you lusted,<br />
Until it was cold with the word, "slut",<br />
I learnt not to look you in the eye,<br />
"I love you too" slowly became paralyzed,<br />
Only your body's rhythm moving me.<br />
Put it in. Take it out.<br />
Put it in. Take it out.<br />
Push. Push. Pull away.<br />
Simple mechanics.<br />
<br />
Now you're gone,<br />
Help me find the definition,<br />
For this new warm pulsating I feel,<br />
Fantasizing his hands between my legs.<br />
I want you to name it.<br />
How his eyes have held me better than you did,<br />
Made me slither in more pleasure,<br />
Than your hands ever gave.<br />
<br />
But he is not mine nor were you. <br />
Ever to begin with.<br />
<br />
I know no matter,<br />
How much I crave his lips against mine,<br />
I can't wash myself off of you.<br />
Your apathy to me.<br />
He can't fill something you broke.<br />
Only I will.<br />
<br />
Oh, but how much I tried to engrave you in my bones,<br />
Make you somehow fit so you wouldn't leave,<br />
But broken shards, cut really deep,<br />
Bled me dry,<br />
Until there was nothing left, <br />
Except the outline of the person that used to be.<br />
<br />
So name it.<br />
<br />
The pushing against the wall,<br />
With your breath in my face,<br />
My hands held down,<br />
You spitting out poisonous words.<br />
<br />
"But I love you", you'd say.<br />
<br />
So I buried her, too, today,<br />
The little girl who came out once with you to play,<br />
The one who held out her arms,<br />
To be held in an embrace.<br />
"Please", she said.<br />
"Please, won't you stay?"<br />
"Please, I really want to play"<br />
But you threw her across the room,<br />
And turned your back to walk away.<br />
<br />
"Don't tell me your stories", you'd say as you'd go.<br />
So these lips fell silent long long ago.<br />
The last time I heard them speak,<br />
Was on that day your name died for me.<br />
<br />
So name it. Say it now!<br />
<br />
"It isn't bleeding", you screamed, <br />
as I raised my trembling arms,<br />
Covering to protect my face.<br />
"Bitch"... isn't that what you'd constantly call me?<br />
I wonder if you still feel the same.<br />
<br />
So name it.<br />
<br />
My cries, begging you not to touch me.<br />
My cries, begging you to touch me.<br />
Touch me.<br />
Just fuck me.<br />
So that I know I exist.<br />
Scratch this desperation off of me,<br />
So I can finally rid myself of me.<br />
Let's really bury this woman deep.<br />
Choke her,<br />
Hold her down, <br />
Until she can no longer breathe.<br />
Let her die.<br />
Let her bleed.<br />
<br />
But make sure you call her by her name.<br />
She has a name.<br />
<br />
So, now, let me say it,<br />
The way my name falls gently off his lips.<br />
<br />
So let me say it,<br />
That there's a safe place out there for me.<br />
<br />
I want to say it,<br />
These two arms are the ones that welcome me.<br />
That there is so much more to my story. <br />
More than the split images and broken pieces.<br />
There's grace and repentance for me.<br />
I will kiss myself as forgiveness,<br />
Hold myself like hope.<br />
Love myself as joy.<br />
I will forever be enough for me.<br />
<br />
For once, I will say it. </div>
Tazeen Mohsinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09341213738383644306noreply@blogger.com0