The Departed - R.I.P

My pen dribbles parts of my soul away on an empty canvas, trying to paint a forgotten dream. Putting together pieces of who we were to resolve the madness that drove us to annihilate each other.

Every centimeter of my universe became alive with the whisper of your presence, as you strut in and out the chambers of my heart. An unbreakable bond, that was celestially approved, was forged between us. Each with a broken wing, together, we began to soar. I was yours and you were mine. Through toil and trouble we pressed on, like proud soldiers, holding their heads up, victorious from the war. But when we began to face the enemy, we found it inside rather than it lying beyond us. Our own demons and shadows set ablaze all that was innocent and pure, leaving behind a trial of exasperation and hollowness.

Like the turning season, I, then, began to change. As we marched forward, the war became a lost cause. A realization hit me that I only embarked this journey to escape the shame of facing who I was. I sold myself off to you for a dime so you could love what I hated. Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, I waded around, sometimes stopping you in your tracks to discover how valuable I was for you.

I walked great lengths to cover the distance in your eyes but still you were nowhere to be found. Silence, happily, crept up to my heart and wrapped it in a cloak of misery. Questions and questions hounded me until my mind went numb and choked the essence of our love, completely tainting it away. Illusions that never became real tore me down, brought me on my knees with eyes wet towards the open sky, waiting for a miracle.

In the heat of the battle, I mustered enough courage to raise my white flag and throw my hands up as I surrendered. I could no longer fight, this fight beside you. You, with your selfish agendas, could not convince me that all this destruction could justify the end. I felt impoverish in a queen’s robe, confused of all the admiring eyes because, all this time, I felt I was alone in this even when you were lying right beside me, right here in my arms.

The abandonment overwhelmed you with feelings of betrayal to the point you only spitted out words of anger and hate. You gloated about how you could simply hold me to the ground and bring my life to a halt. But you know I would never hurt you that way. So blame me now, for the fall, if it allows you to hide the truth behind the masquerade. Set yourself free of the guilt. There’s no one beside you anymore to judge.

But in the abyss of the night when darkness shields you away, do I still run inside your mind, swearing I’ll be the one beside you to watch you sleep? To run my finger on your face, in awe at the beauty of your soul? Would you look me in the eye and swear that you would spin out a whole new rhythm for us to move to, if time could be reverted back to where it all began. Does your heart still cry out for me? Do you still taste the nights when my sweat trickled down your skin and every breath you took was mine. Is my soul still somewhere tangled with yours?

Or have my memories already faded to black? Can you hold your pride up high, adamant, you have no regrets and swear I was always dispensable for you.

O my beloved, despise me, for all the years I gave you, if it makes you feel like a man. Scream poisonous words that are meant to break my heart. Everything will easily slip down my shoulders. Your reign over me came to an end, when I found my way out, and you’ll never hurt me again. Never again.

Now, I’m returning to the lands we marched on and left behind for the sake of our love. This time, I as I and not as we. All alone I plant these seeds of love and hope and I’ll wait for them to grow until all this death is, slowly once more, replaced by the colors of life and you and I gravitate to the ones to whom we really belong.