Reflections in the light.

Something about the world always eludes me,
Empty, sad eyes,
Forced laughter,
Pretending,
Pretending with their pretty masks,
Forever playing mind games,
Hiding,
Complete strangers staring back at me.

I pull your memory near,
It keeps me warm,
when life tries to steal me away.
I hold onto the laughter in your eyes,
The beating of your heart against my hand.

I think of you,
when this Earth tilts out of its axis,
Blurring everything that I see.
You were the only feeling I knew so well,
Only place I ever called home.
With you gone,
I'm left behind searching under the bruised sky.
The million what ifs running through my head.
What could have been?
What should have been?

But by now, I am a tired woman,
Sick to the bone,
With of all these revolting,
so-called fantasies of love they tell me,
Of the ones you taught me,
Drifting in and out of consciousness,
I lay everything down to rest.

All the ways we never were,
All the ways we never are,
All the way in which we will never be.
All the ways,
These hands would never again trade the jack for the queen.
My breath being mine.
My name being me.
This new space I found in me to breathe.
This new grown freedom that runs through every inch of me.
This light that flows through me.
This beautiful reflection that I see.
Never again, will I trade anything for me.